{"id":293,"date":"2025-09-04T22:18:00","date_gmt":"2025-09-04T22:18:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/good-worldwide.go-vip.net\/upworthy\/2025\/09\/04\/6-magic-phrases-that-make-kids-listen\/"},"modified":"2025-09-04T22:18:00","modified_gmt":"2025-09-04T22:18:00","slug":"6-magic-phrases-that-make-kids-listen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/goodinc.com\/qa-upworthy\/2025\/09\/04\/6-magic-phrases-that-make-kids-listen\/","title":{"rendered":"Child psychologist reveals the 6 &#8216;magic phrases&#8217; that make kids listen to their parents"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Sometimes it&#8217;s generational, and sometimes it&#8217;s just a bit of good old-fashioned authority rebellion, but getting<a href=\"https:\/\/www.upworthy.com\/parents-are-sharing-the-wrong-ideas-they-had-about-parenting-before-they-had-actual-kids\" target=\"_blank\"> kids<\/a> to really &#8220;listen&#8221; to their <a href=\"https:\/\/www.upworthy.com\/13-old-school-parenting-ideas-some-folks-call-bad-but-theyre-just-what-our-kids-need-ex1\" target=\"_blank\">parents<\/a> in a way that creates a positive long-term effect can be tricky.<\/p><p>That&#8217;s where child psychologist <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/highloveparenting\" target=\"_blank\">Reem Raouda\u2019<\/a>s hours of research come in handy. In an <a href=\"https:\/\/www.cnbc.com\/amp\/2025\/08\/31\/child-psychologist-parents-who-raise-kids-who-listen-use-6-magic-phrases.html\" target=\"_blank\">article<\/a> for CNBC&#8217;s<em> Make It<\/em>, Raouda, also a mother and therapist, reveals that after studying &#8220;over 200 parent-child relationships,&#8221; a common theme for a good outcome is for the child to feel connected and safe.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-instagram wp-block-embed-instagram\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<blockquote class=\"instagram-media\" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/p\/CKhHsrwF9r7\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" data-instgrm-version=\"14\" style=\" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:500px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);\"><div style=\"padding:16px;\"> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/p\/CKhHsrwF9r7\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" style=\" background:#FFFFFF; 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font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;\">View this post on Instagram<\/div><\/div><div style=\"padding: 12.5% 0;\"><\/div> <div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;\"><div> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);\"><\/div> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;\"><\/div> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);\"><\/div><\/div><div style=\"margin-left: 8px;\"> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;\"><\/div> <div style=\" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)\"><\/div><\/div><div style=\"margin-left: auto;\"> <div style=\" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);\"><\/div> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);\"><\/div> <div style=\" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);\"><\/div><\/div><\/div> <div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;\"> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;\"><\/div> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;\"><\/div><\/div><\/a><\/div><\/blockquote><script async src=\"\/\/platform.instagram.com\/en_US\/embeds.js\"><\/script>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n<p>Raouda reveals six phrases she has personally seen make all the difference.<\/p><h2>&#8220;I believe you.&#8221;<\/h2><p>Validation is a huge factor in parental relationships. She writes, &#8220;Belief defuses shame and creates safety. When a child feels safe, they can actually hear you.&#8221;<\/p><p>She gives the example of spilling juice. If a child spills something, it&#8217;s immediately reassuring for them to know their parent doesn&#8217;t blame or shame them. And if the child says they didn&#8217;t do it on purpose, saying &#8220;I believe you&#8221; helps establish respect.<\/p><p>Another example could be, &#8220;I just forgot to do my homework.&#8221; A potential answer? &#8220;I believe you! We all forget sometimes. Better late than never.&#8221;<\/p><h2>&#8220;Let&#8217;s figure this out together.&#8221;<\/h2><p>When a child is merely following orders from a parent, they don&#8217;t often feel a teamwork bond. Raouda refers to it as a &#8220;standoff&#8221; when a chore is barked at a child, rather than presenting it as a task for the greater good.<\/p><p>If, for example, a kid is being asked to clean their room and seems oppositional to the idea, rather than punishing\u2014come up with a fun plan to clean together.<\/p><h2>&#8220;You can feel this. I&#8217;m right here.&#8221;<\/h2><p>The idea here is to make sure the child knows their emotions are completely valid. If they have a reaction to something that upsets them, don&#8217;t merely tell them to toughen up. Instead, let them know it&#8217;s safe to feel it and that their parent will stay right by their side.<\/p><p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.apa.org\/topics\/parenting\/emotion-regulation\" target=\"_blank\">Kristen Weir<\/a> writes for the<em> American Psychological Association <\/em>that acknowledging feelings with your child early on can yield healthy benefits. &#8220;Caregivers can start talking about feelings when their children are still babies. Point out when book or movie characters feel sad, happy, angry, or worried.&#8221;<\/p><h2>&#8220;I&#8217;m listening. What&#8217;s going on?&#8221;<\/h2><p>For a kid to hear you, they need to feel heard. Raouda notes, &#8220;This simple shift of giving attention before demanding it dissolves resistance. When kids feel understood, they stop trying to push back.&#8221;<\/p><p>She adds that trying to get to the root of their emotion or action is key. &#8220;Now you&#8217;re uncovering the deeper hurt behind the anger, and that&#8217;s the part you can address to help repair both the relationship and the behavior.&#8221;<\/p><h2>&#8220;I hear you. I&#8217;m on your side.&#8221;<\/h2><p>These words build a bond, which ultimately (hopefully) connects a parent to their child. Knowing they can begin from a place where they&#8217;re not alone is a great start to a healthy relationship.<\/p><p>She gives the example of a child hating their homework. If the parent comes at this from a place of understanding and an &#8220;I&#8217;ve been there&#8221; tone, it really helps the child feel supported and understood.<\/p><h2>&#8220;I&#8217;ve got you, no matter what.&#8221;<\/h2><p>Again, this phrase builds teamwork. Raouda writes, &#8220;Mistakes can trigger shame. But when kids hear this phrase, they learn that love isn&#8217;t conditional on performance or perfection.&#8221;<\/p><p>Weir also touched on the importance of connection, saying, &#8220;Studies show that children who have a secure, trusting relationship with their parents or caregivers have better emotion regulation as toddlers than those whose needs aren\u2019t met by their caregivers. Being consistent and comforting will help you develop a secure attachment with your child.&#8221;<\/p><p class=\"shortcode-media shortcode-media-youtube\">        \n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"How To Talk So Kids Will Listen - 5 TOP TIPS! ?\" width=\"422\" height=\"750\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/-01QNsYk-Bw?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n                        <\/p><p>There are other child experts with approaches to getting children to listen. On the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/shorts\/-01QNsYk-Bw\" target=\"_blank\"><em>Cosmic Kids Yoga<\/em><\/a> YouTube page, children&#8217;s yoga instructor and host Jaime Amor gives her own ideas, including some physical instructions.<\/p><p>&#8220;Get on eye level,&#8221; she suggests when possible. She also stressed the importance of &#8220;active listening,&#8221; in that you&#8217;re giving them your whole attention. Not only does this help put them at ease, it demonstrates &#8220;what active listening looks like.&#8221;<\/p><p>Additionally, Amor recommends asking &#8220;how&#8221; and &#8220;what&#8221; questions rather than &#8220;why?&#8221; While &#8220;why&#8221; can sound accusatory, &#8220;how&#8221; and &#8220;what&#8221; help them tell their story. She astutely notes that when conversing with kids, &#8220;Speak in shorter sentences and use language they understand.&#8221;<\/p><p>Lastly, she notes to give the child choices. &#8220;Kids tend to listen and cooperate when they get a choice. It gives them a sense of control and autonomy so they feel respect. When kids feel respect, they&#8217;ll work hard to reciprocate.&#8221;<\/p><p class=\"shortcode-media shortcode-media-rebelmouse-image image-crop-custom\">        <figure class=\"rkv-rebelmouse\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/good-worldwide.go-vip.net\/qa-upworthy\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2025\/09\/origin-78238.jpg\" alt=\"parenting, kids, listening, respect, teamwork\" \/><figcaption>Father and son sit on a the dock.  <a href=\"https:\/\/unsplash.com\/@kelli_mcclintock?utm_source=RebelMouse&#038;utm_medium=referral\" rel=\"nofollow\">Photo by Kelli McClintock on Unsplash<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>                        <\/p><p>On Reddit, an OP asks <a href=\"https:\/\/www.reddit.com\/r\/IWantToLearn\/comments\/1gt80uj\/iwtl_how_to_effectively_effectively_make_my_child\/\" target=\"_blank\">&#8220;How to effectively make my child listen to me.&#8221;<\/a> (For context, they share they have children who are two and seven.) One commenter writes, &#8220;I&#8217;ve found with my 5-year-old, if I do the activity with him that helps. If it&#8217;s folding clothes, I fold mine, and he folds his. When it comes to him doing things on his own, I define success and help him visualize it. &#8216;I need your help. Can you please help me by putting the dishes away?'&#8221;<\/p><p>Another gives this practical advice: &#8221; From an early age when they start to be able to understand words, state the reason why you need them to do something. For example, don&#8217;t just tell them to tidy up the Legos, tell them to tidy up so their blocks don&#8217;t get vacuumed. &#8216;You wouldn&#8217;t want your Legos to go missing, would you?'&#8221;<\/p><p>And this commenter echoes what Raouda said in her piece: &#8220;Try giving them options instead of demands. &#8216;Would you rather do this now or in 5 minutes. Would you rather put your pants on first or your shirt on first.&#8217; Kids are more likely to be cooperative if they feel like they have some control. Try phrasing things differently. Turn demands into questions like &#8220;can\/will you do this please?&#8221; instead of just &#8220;do this.&#8221;&#8221;<\/p><p class=\"shortcode-media shortcode-media-rebelmouse-image\">        <figure class=\"rkv-rebelmouse\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/good-worldwide.go-vip.net\/qa-upworthy\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2025\/09\/origin-78239.jpg\" alt=\"grumpy child, parenting, teamwork, listening, tears\" \/><figcaption>A child feels sad.  <a href=\"https:\/\/upload.wikimedia.org\/wikipedia\/commons\/thumb\/c\/c0\/Crying-girl.jpg\/1024px-Crying-girl.jpg\" rel=\"nofollow\">commons.wikimedia.org<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>                        <\/p>            <p>The thread weaving through all these suggestions is making sure the child feels heard, safe, respected, and supported. It&#8217;s not you against them; you&#8217;re a team and in you&#8217;re in it together.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;When a child feels safe, they can actually hear you.&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":188207,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"alternative_headline":"","alternative_description":"","alternative_featured_image":0,"rkv_announcement":{"visible":true},"apple_news_api_created_at":"","apple_news_api_id":"","apple_news_api_modified_at":"","apple_news_api_revision":"","apple_news_api_share_url":"","apple_news_cover_media_provider":"image","apple_news_coverimage":0,"apple_news_coverimage_caption":"","apple_news_cover_video_id":0,"apple_news_cover_video_url":"","apple_news_cover_embedwebvideo_url":"","apple_news_is_hidden":"","apple_news_is_paid":"","apple_news_is_preview":"","apple_news_is_sponsored":"","apple_news_maturity_rating":"","apple_news_metadata":"\"\"","apple_news_pullquote":"","apple_news_pullquote_position":"","apple_news_slug":"","apple_news_sections":[],"apple_news_suppress_video_url":false,"apple_news_use_image_component":false,"partner_boost":false,"hide_partner_badge":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[208,329,146],"tags":[135,915,841,485,916,311,917,330,431,918,919],"sponsor":[],"rkv-people-shadow":[121],"class_list":["post-293","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family","category-parenting","category-popular","tag-popular_source-pageview","tag-autonomy","tag-child-psychologist","tag-cnbc","tag-cnbc-make-it","tag-kids","tag-listening","tag-parenting-advice","tag-reddit","tag-therapy","tag-trust"],"edit_link":null,"apple_news_notices":[],"rkv_author":{"id":121,"name":"Pamela Ross","display_name":"Pamela Ross","first_name":"","last_name":"","nickname":"","url":"https:\/\/goodinc.com\/qa-upworthy\/author\/pamela-ross\/","link":"https:\/\/goodinc.com\/qa-upworthy\/author\/pamela-ross\/","description":"","slug":"pamela-ross","avatar_urls":[],"email":false},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.1 (Yoast SEO v27.1.1) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Child psychologist reveals the 6 &#039;magic phrases&#039; 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