{"id":301,"date":"2025-09-04T16:13:00","date_gmt":"2025-09-04T16:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/good-worldwide.go-vip.net\/upworthy\/2025\/09\/04\/baby-boomer-parents-ex1\/"},"modified":"2025-09-04T16:13:00","modified_gmt":"2025-09-04T16:13:00","slug":"baby-boomer-parents-ex1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/goodinc.com\/qa-upworthy\/2025\/09\/04\/baby-boomer-parents-ex1\/","title":{"rendered":"Mom explains the &#8216;dishonest&#8217; Boomer parenting style that still hurts many adults today"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>There are certainly many things the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.upworthy.com\/baby-boomer-parenting-style\" target=\"_self\"><u>Boomer parents <\/u><\/a><a href=\"\/teacher-admits-there-are-11-things-that-boomer-parents-totally-got-right\" target=\"_self\"><u>generally did right<\/u><\/a> when raising their kids. Teaching them the importance of manners and respect. That actions do, in fact, have consequences. That a <a data-linked-post=\"2671275585\" href=\"https:\/\/www.upworthy.com\/he-was-raised-right-tween-boy-offers-masterclass-apology-after-hitting-neighbors-truck\" target=\"_blank\">little manners<\/a> go a long way\u2026all of these things are truly good <a data-linked-post=\"2656895489\" href=\"https:\/\/www.upworthy.com\/what-is-generation-x-rp7\" target=\"_blank\">values<\/a> to instill in <a data-linked-post=\"2637292933\" href=\"https:\/\/www.upworthy.com\/let-kids-be-kids-especially-the-genius-ones\" target=\"_blank\">kids.<\/a><\/p><p>But\u2014and we are speaking in broad strokes here\u2014being able to openly discuss difficult feelings was <em>not <\/em>one of the skills passed down by this generation. And many <a href=\"\/gen-x-has-hit-that-stage-of-life-and-is-not-handling-it-very-well-ex1\" target=\"_self\"><u>Gen X<\/u><\/a> and millennial kids can sadly attest to this. This is why the term \u201cdishonest harmony\u201d is giving many folks of this age group some relief. They finally have a term to describe the lack of emotional validation they needed throughout childhood to save face.<\/p><p>Psychologists define the<a href=\"https:\/\/www.voxmentalhealth.com\/blogs\/the-danger-of-dishonest-harmony-in-parenting-the-psychology-behind-the-boomer-parent-trend\" target=\"_blank\"> &#8220;dishonest harmony&#8221; approach <\/a>as maintaining a fa\u00e7ade of peace and harmony at the expense of addressing underlying issues. Parents who practice disharmony prioritize appearance over authenticity and are known to avoid conflict and sweep problems under the rug. <\/p><p>In a video posted to TikTok, a woman named Angela Baker begins by saying, \u201cFellow Gen X and millennials, let&#8217;s talk about our parents and their need for dishonest harmony.\u201d<\/p><p><br \/><\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-tiktok wp-block-embed-tiktok\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<blockquote class=\"tiktok-embed\" cite=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@parkrosepermaculture\/video\/7377060123409173806\" data-video-id=\"7377060123409173806\" data-embed-from=\"oembed\" style=\"max-width:605px; min-width:325px;\"> <section> <a target=\"_blank\" title=\"@parkrosepermaculture\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@parkrosepermaculture?refer=embed\">@parkrosepermaculture<\/a> <p>Replying to @Joe Namath <a title=\"boomerparents\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/boomerparents?refer=embed\">#boomerparents<\/a> <a title=\"toxicparent\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/toxicparent?refer=embed\">#toxicparent<\/a> <a title=\"harmony\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/harmony?refer=embed\">#harmony<\/a> <a title=\"genx\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/genx?refer=embed\">#genx<\/a> <a title=\"millennial\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/millennial?refer=embed\">#millennial<\/a> <a title=\"badparenting\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/badparenting?refer=embed\">#badparenting<\/a> <a title=\"conflict\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/conflict?refer=embed\">#conflict<\/a> <a title=\"nocontact\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/nocontact?refer=embed\">#nocontact<\/a> <\/p> <a target=\"_blank\" title=\"\u266c original sound - Parkrose Permaculture\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/music\/original-sound-7377060139708189482?refer=embed\">\u266c original sound &#8211; Parkrose Permaculture<\/a> <\/section> <\/blockquote> <script async src=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/embed.js\"><\/script>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n                    <p><br \/><\/p><p>Barker, who thankfully did not experience this phenomenon growing up, but says her husband \u201ccertainly\u201d did, shared that when she\u2019s tried to discuss this topic, the typical response she\u2019d get from Boomers would be to \u201cStop talking about it. We don&#8217;t need to hear about it. Move on. Be quiet.\u201d<\/p><p>And it\u2019s this attitude that\u2019s at the core of dishonest harmony.<\/p><p>\u201cWhat that\u2019s showing is their lack of ability to handle the distress that they feel when we talk openly about uncomfortable things,\u201d she says. \u201cWhat they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict. Keep quiet about these hard issues. Suppress your pain, suppress your trauma. Definitely don&#8217;t talk openly about it so that you can learn to heal and break the cycle,\u201d she continues. \u201cWhat matters most is that we have the <em>appearance<\/em> of harmony, even if there&#8217;s nothing harmonious under the surface.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"shortcode-media shortcode-media-rebelmouse-image\">        <figure class=\"rkv-rebelmouse\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/good-worldwide.go-vip.net\/qa-upworthy\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2025\/09\/origin-34864.png\" alt=\"boomer parents, parenting styles, boomer grandparents, happy boomers, retired people\" \/><figcaption>An older woman on her laptop.  <a href=\"https:\/\/www.canva.com\/photos\/\" rel=\"nofollow\">via Canva\/Photos<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>                        <\/p><p>Barker concludes by theorizing that it was this need to promote a certain facade that created most of the toxic parenting choices of that time period.<\/p><p>\u201cThe desire of boomer parents to have this perception that everything was sweet and hunky dory, rather than prioritizing the needs of their kids, is what drove a lot of the toxic parenting we experienced.\u201d<\/p><p>Barker\u2019s video made others feel so seen, as clearly indicated by the comments.<\/p><p>\u201cHow did I not hear about dishonest harmony until now? This describes my family dynamic to a T. And if you disrespect that illusion, you are automatically labeled as the problem. It\u2019s frustrating,\u201d one person wrote.<\/p><p>\u201cTHANK YOU SO MUCH! I&#8217;m a 49 yo biker sitting in my bedroom crying right now. You just put a name to my darkness!\u201d added another<\/p><p class=\"shortcode-media shortcode-media-rebelmouse-image\">        <figure class=\"rkv-rebelmouse\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/good-worldwide.go-vip.net\/qa-upworthy\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2025\/09\/origin-34865.png\" alt=\"boomer parents, parenting styles, boomer grandparents, happy boomers, retired people\" \/><figcaption>A happy older couple.  <a href=\"https:\/\/www.canva.com\/photos\/\" rel=\"nofollow\">via Canva\/Photos<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>                        <\/p><p>Many shared how they were refusing to repeat the cycle.<\/p><p>One wrote, \u201cThis is EXACTLY my family dynamic. I\u2019m the problem because I won\u2019t remain quiet. Not anymore. Not again.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cI love when my kids tell me what I did wrong. It gives me a chance to acknowledge and apologize. Everyone wants to be heard,\u201d said another.<\/p><p>Of course, no parenting style is perfect. And all parents are working with the current ideals of the time, their own inner programming and their inherent need to course correct child raising problems of the previous generation. Gen Alpha parents will probably cringe at certain parenting styles currently considered in vogue. It\u2019s all part of the process.<\/p><p>But hopefully one thing we have learned as a collective is that true change happens when we summon the courage to have difficult conversations.<\/p><p><em>This article originally appeared last year.<\/em><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>People finally have words to describe their experience. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":188223,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"alternative_headline":"","alternative_description":"","alternative_featured_image":0,"rkv_announcement":{"visible":true},"apple_news_api_created_at":"","apple_news_api_id":"","apple_news_api_modified_at":"","apple_news_api_revision":"","apple_news_api_share_url":"","apple_news_cover_media_provider":"image","apple_news_coverimage":0,"apple_news_coverimage_caption":"","apple_news_cover_video_id":0,"apple_news_cover_video_url":"","apple_news_cover_embedwebvideo_url":"","apple_news_is_hidden":"","apple_news_is_paid":"","apple_news_is_preview":"","apple_news_is_sponsored":"","apple_news_maturity_rating":"","apple_news_metadata":"\"\"","apple_news_pullquote":"","apple_news_pullquote_position":"","apple_news_slug":"","apple_news_sections":[],"apple_news_suppress_video_url":false,"apple_news_use_image_component":false,"partner_boost":false,"hide_partner_badge":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[208,382,146],"tags":[963,135,964,965,966,358,307,967,312,968,929,969,970,971],"sponsor":[],"rkv-people-shadow":[134,216],"class_list":["post-301","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family","category-modern-families","category-popular","tag-70s-and-80s-parents","tag-popular_source-pageview","tag-boomer-parents","tag-dishonest-harmony","tag-dishonesty","tag-gen-x","tag-generational-differences","tag-keeping-up-apearances","tag-millennials","tag-older-parents","tag-parenting-styles","tag-parents","tag-respect","tag-trauma"],"edit_link":null,"apple_news_notices":[],"rkv_author":{"id":134,"name":"Gemma Davison","display_name":"Gemma Davison","first_name":"","last_name":"","nickname":"","url":"https:\/\/goodinc.com\/qa-upworthy\/author\/gemma-davison\/","link":"https:\/\/goodinc.com\/qa-upworthy\/author\/gemma-davison\/","description":"Gemma Davidson is a former Research Scientist with a degree in Applied Biology. Her training grounds her work in science. Gemma writes about skincare, supplements, and new health products. She uses her science background to make sure her articles are accurate and helpful. Gemma's writing is a go-to guide for those looking for reliable reviews and informative insight.\n\nOver the years, Gemma focused on how products affect health and wellness. She has worked in labs and research facilities for over 10 years. This experience gives her a deep understanding of scientific research methods. She knows how to analyze product ingredients and their effects on the body. Her expertise helps readers make informed choices.\n\nHer work reflects her commitment to guiding others in making healthier choices. Through her articles, Gemma aims to inspire and inform readers. She believes good health starts with knowing what you consume and use daily. Gemma's background makes her a trusted voice in lifestyle, wellness, and health topics.","slug":"gemma-davison","avatar_urls":[],"email":false},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.1 (Yoast SEO v27.1.1) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Mom explains the &#039;dishonest&#039; Boomer parenting style that still hurts many adults today - QA Upworthy<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/goodinc.com\/qa-upworthy\/2025\/09\/04\/baby-boomer-parents-ex1\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Mom explains the &#039;dishonest&#039; Boomer parenting style that still hurts many adults today\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"People finally have words to describe their experience.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/goodinc.com\/qa-upworthy\/2025\/09\/04\/baby-boomer-parents-ex1\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"QA Upworthy\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2025-09-04T16:13:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/goodinc.com\/qa-upworthy\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2025\/09\/origin-34866.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"791\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"526\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Gemma Davison, Mark Pygas\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Gemma Davison\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/goodinc.com\/qa-upworthy\/2025\/09\/04\/baby-boomer-parents-ex1\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/goodinc.com\/qa-upworthy\/2025\/09\/04\/baby-boomer-parents-ex1\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Danny Cohen\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/goodinc.com\/qa-upworthy\/#\/schema\/person\/00e013a2a0dd699bca424f4bfc4eea58\"},\"headline\":\"Mom explains the &#8216;dishonest&#8217; 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