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Mom shares the frustrating difference between stay-at-home and working parents

“It is interesting to notice how tied we are to corporate-style success.”

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Photo credit: via EclecticHomeSchooling/TikTok (used with permission)Syd explains one of the most frustrating parts of being a stay-at-home-mom.

We all need a pat on the back every once in a while, someone to let us know we’re doing a good job. There are many ways for people with careers to feel validated. You can get a raise, a promotion, a great review from your manager, or a professional award. You can also be someone respected in your profession and a mentor to younger people entering your field. These forms of validation help someone feel valuable and accomplished and are all tangible in some way. You can say, “I’m now the vice president of manufacturing,” “I won the Excellence in Sales Award,” or “I have a larger number on my paycheck.

Syd, a stay-at-home mom named @eclectichomeschooling on TikTok, shared that, unfortunately, moms who work in the home have a hard time finding that same feeling of validation.

stay-at-home mom, motherhood
How do you measure success as a stay-at-home mom? Giphy

“Something that I think that a lot of people don’t realize about being a stay-at-home mom, whether you are a homeschool mom or your kids are young and you’re staying home with them during those years, is that there’s no measurement of success. There’s no metric,” she begins her video.

“There’s no one saying, ‘Congratulations, you have been promoted; you are the top of the top of this skill.’ None of that,” she continued. There is no award for an outstanding stay-at-home mom, and there is no manager to give her a review or promotion.

She says that being a good mother to her kids “feels good” and “makes us happy” but argues that it isn’t something you can “hold” or “write down.”

https://www.tiktok.com/@eclectichomeschooling/video/7416518643237784878


“We’re going on eight years of not being able to measure [success],” she continued. “I think that that’s a thing that nobody really talks about or that we don’t really get to talk about with each other. Your partner goes to work: they get promoted, they get raises, they complete their work for the day and they … get to be like, ‘OK, I succeeded.’ But my [work] is just constant, all of the time, and there’s no metric for it.”

The dishes that Syd cleans will be dirty the next day. The laundry she folds on Monday will be worn on Tuesday and rewashed on Friday.

motherhood, homemaking, stay-at-home mom, laundry
Work done in theu00a0home is never Photo credit: Canva

Although Syd has yet to find a solution to this problem, she sees other ways to get the validation she craves. “It’s hard, especially because a lot of us don’t prioritize hobbies for ourselves. That’s a great place for us to find success or a feeling of accomplishment,” she said.

Syd’s video struck a chord with many stay-at-home mothers feeling the same way.

A commenter named Leigh noted that the need for external validation comes from the corporate culture in which Americans are raised. “On my best days, it is interesting to notice how tied we are to corporate-style success. On my worst, it is inescapably crushing,” she wrote in the most popular comment.

“It’s the neverending loops that are never complete. We never get the satisfaction of a ‘job well done’ because nothing is ever really done,” Hazel added. “Once I started focusing on my own happiness, it got better.”

According to Love, the lack of praise for a job well done also means that it’s easy to be criticized. “When you’re doing everything right, there’s no praise, etc., but if you do anything wrong or are not perfect, then the issue gets thrown in your face in every way. So you end up feeling like a failure,” she wrote.

Syd told Upworthy that her followers have tried to help her recontextualize her feelings of worth. “Since the video, I’ve had a lot of conversations with moms about how we measure worth by being very wrapped up in productivity through a capitalist lens. It can be tough to divest from that, but it is also so important. Like, what’s a safe and secure childhood worth? Nothing technically, but also the entire world. We do that!” she told Upworthy.

motherhood, stay-at-home mom
Validation comes in different ways for stay-at-home moms. Photo credit: Canva

She adds that a few of her followers suggested she should take up martial arts as a hobby. “I’m still pondering that one,” she told Upworthy.

Ultimately, Syd’s realization could have caused her to feel down about herself or resign to a never-ending feeling of being unfulfilled. However, she’s seen it as an opportunity to reevaluate her sense of self-worth and possibly as a reason to branch off into new and exciting hobbies outside her family.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

  • Trendy ‘grandma showers’ get a lot of flack online, but when can they be a good thing?
    Photo credit: @morethangrand/TikTokPerhaps there is a right and wrong way to throw a grandma shower.

    Grandparentsgrandmothers, in particular—often earn a bad reputation for using the arrival of a baby to shift the spotlight towards themselves, rather than becoming a support system for the new parents. Insisting on cutesy nicknames like “glamma” comes to mind as an example (that’s not to say that grandmas can’t elect to have alternative nicknames; it’s more so the lack of collaboration that’s sometimes involved).

    And growing more popular over the past few years is the “grandma shower” trend, which is essentially a baby shower, complete with all the usual fanfare, such as games, gifts, registries, and the like. However, this time, the celebrations are geared towards welcoming a first-time grandma into her new role.

    With the aforementioned factors in mind, it’s probably no wonder that critics have called grandma showers “tacky” and attention-seeking. One person even took to X to call it “peak boomer entitlement.” As far back as 2010, etiquette expert Judith Martin referred to it as a shallow gift grab.

    Perhaps, if we allow for nuance, we can see that there may be some circumstances where grandma showers are appropriate.

    As popular grandparent advice site More Than Grand explains, having a group of coworkers celebrate a grandma shower during their lunch break, for instance, is virtually harmless, as are any other kind of low-key shindigs, since they don’t actually take anything away from the parents.

    @morethangrand Are granny showers a nice new tradition or a tacky gift grab? Welcoming new grandparents with New Grandparent Essentials is always appropriate! Get New Grandparent Essentials at morethangrand.com/nge #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandma#newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting ♬ original sound – MoreThanGrand

    Additionally, gifts could be a viable option if grandma is doing most of the caretaking and can’t afford to get these things herself. At least then, it’s the village’s needs that are being supported. Shared grandparent wisdom or grandparenting books could even be a good grandparent-specific gift that doesn’t necessarily cross a line.

    HappiestBaby.com also had a few other helpful guidelines:

    -Not having the grandparent/parent host the party

    -Wait to schedule the grandma shower for AFTER the actual baby shower, and obviously don’t schedule it for a competing time

    -Don’t double-dip on the invite list

    -If creating a registry, simply share the parent’s. Don’t create a separate one.

    It should go without saying, but a lot of these common icks that come as a result of grandma showers could be avoided by simply consulting the mom-to-be on what she’s comfortable with, More Than Grand argues. Much of the conflict in this area stems from not giving parents the respect they deserve as the ultimate authority on what’s best for their child.

    Of course, becoming a grandparent is a wonderful moment that is genuinely worthy of celebration. However, as is evident by the overwhelming number of absentee grandparents out there, it is not nearly as involuntarily life-changing as becoming a parent. And that seems to be the major thing that ruffles feathers. Keep this in mind, and having a slice of cake that says “congrats GMA!” shouldn’t be an issue.

  • More parents are installing landlines for their kids and the benefits are undeniable
    Photo credit: CanvaMore parents are installing landlines for their kids; the benefits are undeniable.

    Do you remember chatting with your friends on a three-way call, wrapping the phone cord around your finger while you got the scoop on what happened during 4th-period lunch? If not, then you were probably born after cellphones became the norm. But for older people, a time was had back then—and now, today’s kids might get to experience that nostalgic telephone experience, too.

    More parents are starting to install landline phones for their kids instead of getting them cellphones. Older generations often complain that Gen Z seems to lack social skills, but they’re the first generation to grow up without house phones. It turns out that all those hours spent chatting on the landline may have been a key factor in developing effective communication skills.

    kids cell phone; kids landline; landlines; communication; low tech life; old school parenting; social skills
    Relaxing chat with a vintage vibe. Photo credit: Canva

    However, for parents now, the development of communication skills is a welcome, unexpected side effect of trying to keep their kids off smartphones for a little longer. In 2025, it may seem imperative that a child have a cellphone so they can stay in touch with their family members. Latchkey kids may be seen as a thing of the past, but they still exist when kids age out of after-school care. That means parents who are concerned about safety may turn to cellphones a little earlier than they’d like to make sure their kids make it into the house after getting off the bus.

    A cellphone may help a child communicate that they’ve made it home, but it doesn’t protect them from the dangers of having unfettered access to the Internet and social media. This is why some parents are turning to landlines again, and they’re pleasantly surprised by the results.

    kids cell phone; kids landline; landlines; communication; low tech life; old school parenting; social skills
    Children immersed in their smartphones outdoors. Photo credit: Canva

    “My husband and I decided to kind of pause the screen path that so many people were on, but we pivoted and surprised her with a landline,” Caron Morse tells The Today Show.

    The mom was able to convince a few other parents to join in, watching the circle of landlines grow for her daughter. However, having a constantly busy phone wasn’t the sweet side effect—it was the increased communication skills. “It sounds so weird to say that bringing a landline into the house was my smartest parenting choice, but in my heart I really feel like this was an important pivot,” the mom says.

    Paul Zalewski, co-founder of Fathercraft, shares with Parents Magazine that he installed a cordless landline complete with an answering machine for his kids. He tells the magazine that the shift was deliberate so his kids can practice real conversations, adding, “Their overall communication has become more intentional. Since the landline is voice only, they think before they speak. [The phone] has played a crucial role in building confidence and competence. The older one, in particular, has taken on small adult-like tasks, such as calling to confirm logistics or leaving an important message. We see that responsibility translates into other areas of independence.”

    kids cell phone; kids landline; landlines; communication; low tech life; old school parenting; social skills
    Boy absorbed in his phone, lying on a cozy bed. Photo credit: Canva

    It was even great for their listening skills. The same thing goes for parents who have ditched full-time cell phone use to have a landline in the house. Patty Schepel writes for The Every Mom about her unexpected positive outcome when she switched to using a landline for a week after realizing her child was competing with her phone for attention.

    She explains, “My goal was to get rid of my phone-separation anxiety, and I wanted to be more present with my kids. However, I was floored by all the additional benefits that came out of this experience.” She lists, “I sat with my thoughts. I was in a better mood. I felt more present with my kids. I noticed fewer behavioral issues with my son. I was more productive. I called my friends and had more meaningful conversations.” Schepel says the experiment made her realize that she didn’t actually need to be connected all the time or jump onto the emotional rollercoaster that is social media.

    kids cell phone; kids landline; landlines; communication; low tech life; old school parenting; social skills
    Kids enjoying screen time together outside. Photo credit: Canva

    Giving a child a smartphone is a huge decision, especially if it’s not a restricted phone like the Bark or Gabb phones that allow complete parental control. However, even with phones like that, introducing the phone can create a habit that some parents may not be ready to contend with. Childhood digital safety expert for Bark Technologies, Titania Jordan, tells Parents Magazine, “Slow, intentional access protects kids from the dangers and stress of life online. I’ve never met a parent who wished they’d handed over tech earlier—only ones who wish they’d waited longer. This landline trend is just one sign of a larger move toward slower, lower-tech childhoods.”

  • Abby Wambach passionately explains why parents shouldn’t go to their kids’ sports practices
    Photo credit: via Canva/PhotosA girl practicing soccer and Abby Wambach.

    Taking a kid to soccer practice is a good time for many of us to catch up on our Instagram feeds, read a good book, or sit in the car, where it’s warm, and watch from the parking lot. Sure, it’s great to see your kid run around and be active, but it’s a lot more fun to see them play in a game where something is at stake instead of running drills or playing Sharks and Minnows.

    For those who get a little bored at their kid’s practices, you will want to listen to the words of the great Abby Wambach: Don’t go.

    Wambach is a retired soccer player, coach, and member of the National Soccer Hall of Fame, who was a regular in the U.S. women’s national soccer team from 2003 to 2015. In 2012, she was named the FIFA World Player of the Year. She shared her thoughts on a recent episode of her Welcome to the Party podcast with co-host Rebecca Lowe from NBC’s Premier League coverage.

    The conversation began when Lowe admitted that she doesn’t get to attend all of her child’s games due to her job. “I go to the practices because I don’t get to go to as many games as I would like. I probably go to one every four because I’m at work on the weekends,” Lowe said.

    Should parents attend their child’s sports practice?

    “Just think about this. What is the purpose of practice? It’s not for the kid to look over their shoulder and make sure that their mom, dad, or parent is sitting on the sideline watching them. Practice is for free play for them,” Wambach responded. “That there is nothing that’s going to encumber them from trying something new…taking a risk, making a mistake, trying something, being successful. Because what we’re then doing is, we’re externalizing all of our motivation.”

    soccer, girl soccer, soccer game, soccer ball, soccer field
    Some young children playing soccer. via Canva/Photos

    Wambach goes on to say that if a child is giving their all on the practice field to make their parents happy, it makes it more difficult for them to develop a more critical skill, having the self-determination and motivation to play for themselves. “‘Cause we want our kids to be self-starters and internally motivated. So if you’re at practice, it outsources that motivation,” Wambach said.

    Give kids space and they’ll grow

    Let Grow, a movement dedicated to giving children greater independence, agrees with Wambach’s take on practice, suggesting that when children are allowed to practice without parents looking over their shoulders, they are more likely to develop a better relationship with their teammates and coaches. “Yet, by being there all the time, you’re not giving your child a chance to really grow and develop that relationship with their coach and teammates. They’re always watching you as you watch them,” the organization says. “It might seem innocent enough to watch every practice, but it can also give coaches a nice break to not have to deal with the hovering.”

    So, next time your kid has to go to practice, consider giving them some space. By giving them room to take risks, make mistakes, and build stronger connections with their teammates and coach, you’re helping them grow both on and off the field. Sometimes, the best support parents can give their child is knowing when to leave them alone.

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