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Man’s side-splitting monologue on why ‘women don’t want to date’ is frighteningly accurate

“Somebody call a meeting of the council. He knows too much.”

dating advice, single, relationships, love, romance, dating tips, women, girls, marriage
A viral TikTok argues that women don't want to give up the joy of their own personal peace and freedom for anyone.Photo credit: Canva Photos

There’s been a lot of discourse on the state of modern dating and a lot of theories on why it seems harder than ever for people to find connection with romantic partners. Could it be that the achievement and education gaps between men and women are altering the dynamics? Have social media and dating apps broken our brains and hearts? Do we all have unrealistic expectations and unlimited options, leading to never feeling satisfied with anything or anyone?

Those are all intriguing options, but an alternate theory has recently arisen that’s quickly gaining steam: Maybe being single isn’t as lonely as we think. Maybe being single is actually freaking awesome.

A guy on TikTok who goes by @gettothepointbro shared a hilarious monologue on why women who have been single for a long time “don’t want to date anymore.” Women say he absolutely nailed it.

dating, women, single, discourse, happy single
Sassy I Know GIF by ABC Network Giphy

At first, it might seem like he’s poking fun, either at single women or at the men who can’t seem to win them over. But not so! What he’s done is perfectly captured the joy many people find in being single and, frankly, able to do whatever the hell they want.

“Some women have been single for so long they don’t date anymore, they grant you access to their peaceful little empire like a reluctant queen handing you a visitor’s badge,” he says. “You text her good morning and she’s already annoyed, like ‘Why are you disturbing the sacred silence of my personal growth journey?’”

He goes on, “Bro she’s been sleeping diagonally in her bed for three years, she’s not giving up that territory because you opened the door and paid for coffee.”

“You plan a cute date, she’s thinking ‘That sounds nice but also I could stay home, deep clean my apartment, do a 12 steps skincare routine, order sushi and not have to listen to a man breathe.’”

“You try to check in emotionally, ‘How are you feeling?’ She’s feeling fantastic because you’re not here.”

“You’re not competing with other guys. There are no other guys. You’re competing with her weighted blanket, her peace, her cat named Chairman Meow, and the simple joy of not having to share her fries.”

These are just a few of the best lines from the nearly 2-minute rant, all delivered in the most amazing French accent you can imagine. Please, enjoy:

@erosbrousson

DATING A GIRL WHO IS USED TO BE ALONE CAN BE VERY HARD . ♬ original sound – Éros Brousson

The best thing about the video is the discussion in the comments. Women want to know how this man got access to this top-secret information. The rant is so eerily, frighteningly accurate that women are convinced this French guy is living in their heads. That, or someone’s secretly leaking intel.

“dammit. somebody call a meeting of the council. he knows too much.”

“I dont often offer this compliment to the male species but you explained it better than I ever could.”

“Alright, who’s told him this info??? So exposed right now”

“The joy of sleeping diagonally across my bed cannot be fully explained.”

“This is the most accurate profiling I’ve ever heard. You absolutely ailed it.”

Clearly, we’ve tapped into a real phenomenon here, with users lovingly calling him The Croissant King.


@erosbrousson

CAN YOU RELATE LADIES ? THAT’S WHY WE LOVE YOU ❤️ ♬ original sound – Éros Brousson

The truth is that many people—both men and women—are disillusioned with the sad state of the dating scene these days. App burnout is a real thing, and meeting new people in real life is a ton of work. So, it’s no surprise that more and more people are just choosing to stay single and enjoy all the perks that come along with it. This is a stark change, especially for women.

According to FiveThirtyEight, “Women were also more likely than men to say that they weren’t dating because they have other priorities right now.” Priorities like travel, career, friendship, and even just self-care—all things that wind up taking a backseat when people get involved in relationships. It wasn’t too long ago that women of a certain age that were still single were called “spinsters,” but that word has lost a significant amount of power. This new generation of women aren’t embarrassed or ashamed to be single; they’re loving it for exactly all the reasons this video describes.

This article originally appeared in April. It has been updated.

  • British stand-up comic shows what English would sound like if we pronounced silent letters
    Michael McIntyre is a popular comedian from the U.K.Photo credit: Raph_PH/Wikimedia Commons

    One of the struggles people have with learning English as a second language is the number of silent letters our language uses that don’t seem to have much rhyme or reason. We are certainly not alone in using letters we don’t pronounce, of course—French is famously filled with them, and Danish words apparently make liberal use of them as well. However, there’s no question that silent letters can make language learning confusing for non-native speakers (and often for native speakers as well).

    British comedian Michael McIntyre did a whole bit demonstrating what English would sound like if silent letters weren’t silent. What if we pronounced the “b” in “subtle” or the “h” in “hour” or the “l” in “talk” and “walk”? When we start to pronounce the silent letters, we quickly see how many commonly used words have them, and the effect is both eye-opening and hilarious.

    When you speak a language that uses silent letters, you may not realize that there are languages that don’t. For instance, this comment on the video—”As a Finn, I’m relieved to finally hear properly spoken English”— only makes sense when you know that Finnish is a strictly phonetic language, meaning the letters you see spelled out are pronounced the same way consistently. Spanish is pretty consistent with phonetics, especially compared to English, and Italian and Greek are as well.

    So why does English utilize so many silent letters? As Merriam-Webster states, “Our language is a glutton, and it has taken words from an enormous number of other languages. Since we have words borrowed from languages that have different sound patterns, this results in English speakers pronouncing the words differently than in their languages of origin.”

    For instance, the word mnemonic has a silent “m” at the beginning, but it didn’t used to be silent. The word came to English from the Greek through Latin, and the “m” actually was pronounced in it even as late as the 1800s. Over time, we just dropped it. The same applies to the silent “p” in words like “psychology” and “psalm.” We used to pronounce it, and the French and Germans still do, but we’ve let the “p” go.

    Other words came from Dutch or German with sounds that aren’t standard phonetics in English, like the throat-clearing sound the “ch” combo makes in those languages (technically called a velar fricative). Words like yacht and night have that sound in the languages they came from, but since we don’t do the fricative thing in English, we just dropped it.

    What about the “l” in talk and walk, or would and should? In the former, the “l” affects the sound of the vowel, making it an “ah” sound instead of an “a” sound, as in “tack”. In the latter, the “l” used to be pronounced, at least in the 1500s in refined speech, but at some point got dropped.


    Interestingly, Merriam-Webster says could appears to be an anomaly among the -oulds, though: “It seems likely that could didn’t have the L in either spelling or pronunciation; notice that its root, can doesn’t have an L whereas shall and will (the roots of should and would) do. The thought is that the L in could was later added by analogy—rightly or wrongly—to make it better match with would and should.”

    Funny how language works.

    How about knife and gnome? Apparently, those were pronounced several hundred years ago, but over time, people just stopped. There’s not always a clear logical reason for such changes—sometimes it’s just easier, and when enough people do it, a collective shift in pronunciation occurs. The same applies to the “w” in “wrap” and “write.” They used to be pronounced, but isn’t it just much easier on the lips to not form the “w” first when the sounds just blend together anyway?

    silent letters, don't say it, english, language, golden girls
    There are a lot of letter sounds we don't say in English. Giphy

    And yes, we also borrowed from the famously silent-letter-friendly French, as seen in words like receipt, debt, and indict. However, as Merriam-Webster points out, “These words entered English from French in the medieval period, but later scholars recognized their Latin origins and stuck in the missing p, b, and c, just to make the etymological relationship completely explicit. The way we pronounce these words to this day reflects their French heritage (while their spelling reflects their more distant Latin roots).”

    One more fun fact: every letter of the alphabet is silent on occasion in the English language.

    So there you have it. That’s why silent letters abound. English is a mutt language in many ways, which has given us the delightful quirks and inconsistencies that make it a challenge to learn but oh so fun to joke about.

  • I thought I knew my pal Nikki Glaser. Then she told me her ‘humiliating’ story about Dave Matthews.
    , ,

    I thought I knew my pal Nikki Glaser. Then she told me her ‘humiliating’ story about Dave Matthews.

    My very famous friend shares some wisdom we could all take to heart.

    Comedian, actress, and podcaster Nikki Glaser is a force to be reckoned with. Though she was named in Time Magazine as one of 2025’s Most Influential People, her humility never lets it go to her head. She’s obviously hilarious, but in a way that pushes boundaries most didn’t even know existed. As a savage roast-master, she somehow simultaneously puts people at ease while she (sweetly) says the dark things we’re all thinking.

    But it’s herself who she roasts the hardest. She’s unique and thoughtful with her approach to joke-writing, but is also not afraid to dig deep with the constant effort to better her life. She never shies away from getting truly vulnerable, making most people in the room feel like they’re her best friend. Luckily, I actually can call Nikki a friend and can wholeheartedly relay that she’s the kind of person who walks into a room and electrifies it. She’s not only wicked-smart, but she’s the kind of girl’s girl who shows up, no matter how busy she is. (I recall once complaining about the Los Angeles dating pool and within five minutes, she had set me up on a blind date.) She’s as solid as they come and I was thrilled to chat with her for Upworthy about some things I always wanted to know.

    Upworthy: If you remember the movie Sliding Doors—if one thing had gone differently for you—what do you think you’d be doing?

    Glaser: “I like to think that if my voice teacher in high school hadn’t taken my mom aside after one of our lessons and told her I had a bad voice and would never make it in musical theater, that I would have kept singing. And maybe would have been able to pursue a career in music, (not musical theater, she was probably right about that one). But I think that I just assumed she meant all singing. Now, I’m way too many years into singing improperly. I take voice lessons now, but it’s so hard to undo years of poor singing that I could have avoided if I had never given up.”

    Glaser continues with the message she wishes she had received earlier, and wishes to impart on younger generations:

    “In general, I think that if I had just gotten the message at a young age that talent isn’t born, it’s developed, I would have pursued more things that I thought I just didn’t ‘have.’ I was never someone who was naturally talented. Stand-up was literally the first thing in my entire life that I seemed to have a knack for, so I just kept doing it. I’m glad I did, but after I read the book The Talent Code in my 30s, I really understood that all I really needed to do to be talented at anything I wanted to be was put in the work.

    That’s why I always try to tell kids that they can’t give up if they aren’t good at something. You can literally be better than someone who is naturally talented if you just put more hours in than they do, even if they have a huge head start. I never thought of hard work as the best talent of all. I wish that message had been instilled in me more as a kid.”

    Upworthy: To that point, if you had a “second dream”—anything you wanted to be at all—what would it be?

    Glaser: “Besides a singer/songwriter, my true passion would have been to develop a CBD lip gloss line with H&M. JK. I mean, I’m open to it, but in general, I just wish my life’s work involved more animals. Animals are my passion, and traveling as much as I do, I don’t get to bring my dog as much as I’d like. I also would love to get a bird, but I’m never home and you can’t bring them on planes (I haven’t looked into it). That’s the only part of aging and inevitably getting edged out of show business that I’m looking forward to: I’M GONNA GO FULL BIRD LADY.”

    Upworthy: Is there a joke you’ve written that you just can’t seem to make work?

    Glaser: “I have a joke about how fat people are discriminated against, which is a little tricky because I am not fat. And no one wants to hear a skinny person talk about how hard it is to be fat, but at the same time, I notice it and I want fat people to understand that it��s bullshit and I see them. I’m not trying to be a hero or anything. I just know that my body and food issues stem from the way our society treats fat people and I just feel like not enough is being said about it.”

    Upworthy: Who or what makes you consistently laugh?

    Glaser: “As of late… Rachel Feinstein, David Spade, Martin Short as Jiminy Glick, Tim Robinson, and Chris Fleming. I also LOVED Jim Norton’s latest special on YouTube, UNCONCEIVABLE. And I was just texting earlier today with one of my funniest friends, comedian/writer Sean O’Connor, and we both declared that one of the funniest jokes we’ve ever heard was Nick Swardson’s joke: “I took my cat to the veterinarian today because my cat had diarrhea. And the vet was like, ‘What have you been feeding him?’ and I’m like, ‘diarrhea.’”

    Upworthy: Why is Cecily so amazing? (JK, JK. I mean, unless you really WANT to answer.)

    Glaser: You are kind, non-judgmental, hilarious, effervescent, and just one of the best all-time hangs. Not to mention, sexy and cool!

    Upworthy: You have been very open about (and I hate the word journey) your “journey” with mental health. Any tips for people struggling with depression? Like if someone could do “one or two things” to help their mental health, what would you advise?

    Glaser: “I would first try a free meditation app. That’s what I did when I was broke and was in desperation for any kind of relief from my negative thoughts. It really helped. I would also recommend 12-step programs. There’s one for just about everything (if you don’t have an addiction, look into the requirements to qualify for Al-Anon because that’s really a catch-all). The meetings and fellowship are free and you can go on Zoom and just listen if you are scared to share. And no, you don’t have to believe in God to go.”

    Upworthy: Have you ever met someone else who’s famous and completely freaked out?

    Glaser: “Yes, I’m quite an obsessive fan of celebrities who I love, and I can never seem to keep my cool when I meet them. I was a Dave Matthews stan in high school and I met him in 2018 and I humiliated myself by saying the word “sphere” a lot. I don’t even know why. It had nothing to do with the Las Vegas Sphere. It was well before that even existed. Thank God I got to meet him a few years later and act relatively normal.

    dave matthews, celebrities, celebrity crush, jam band
    Dave Matthews sings in his band. Giphy

    My policy now with these kinds of icons is that I don’t really want to meet them. I just feel like a huge bother when I share how much they mean to me. Unless of course they are new to fame or have faded from the spotlight; then I’m happy to tell them. Like someone like Patrick Schwarzenegger. I ran into him at a party and it was right after the second episode of White Lotus season three, so I knew he wasn’t being hounded yet. I was happy to bother him and gush over how much of an incredible talent he is. As someone who’s not a huge A-lister, I get how much it means when someone tells you they like your work. But someone who is a global pop star doesn’t need me shaking and crying and telling her she saved my life. I don’t want to bother her with my anxiety. She needs to save her energy to write songs, not hug me so I stop convulsing.”

    Upworthy: No matter how popular you get, is there one thing about you that will never change?

    Glaser: “I don’t think people really ever change. I try! I am always holding out hope that I’ll somehow conquer my imposter syndrome and overall low self-esteem. I’m about to start EMDR therapy. We’ll see how that goes! I know that some artists and comedians argue that it serves their work to be depressed or anxious, but I feel like I’ve already mined all of my insecurities for material in the first two decades of my career. I’d like to change into someone who’s more confident, but don’t we all? I don’t want to ever think that I’m better than anyone else, but I’d like to lose the core belief that I’m worse than others.”

  • Bob Odenkirk shares the history of writing Chris Farley’s most famous SNL sketch
    Bob Odenkirk looks into the distance. Chris Farley stars in 'Van down by the river' on SNL.Photo credit: Photo Credit: Canva
    ,

    Bob Odenkirk shares the history of writing Chris Farley’s most famous SNL sketch

    “God, he was hilarious. So fun to watch from the second he stepped on stage.”

    Before Bob Odenkirk was an a–kicking action star in the Nobody films, or TV’s funniest and most brilliant attorney Saul Goodman in Breaking Bad, he was helping to prop up other comedians in their climb to stardom.

    Obviously, Odenkirk is known in his own right as a gifted comic and actor. Having co-created Mr. Show with David Cross, he has steadily built a fan base who adore and support his exploding talent and career. But before he was even hired as a writer for Saturday Night Live (on which he wrote for many seasons), he was a member of the reputable Second City improv group in Chicago, where he worked with the late great Chris Farley.

    A friend of mine happened to be at one of the Second City performances as a sixth grader when Farley debuted a version of the now incredibly popular sketch “Van down by the river.” Of the show, he said, “It was like nothing anyone had ever seen before. The minute Farley walked on stage, the audience couldn’t stop laughing.”

    breaking bad, bob odenkirk, television, comedian
    Bob Odenkirk as Saul Goodman Giphy, Breaking Bad

    In an exclusive conversation with Upworthy, Odenkirk, who wrote the sketch, explains, “Chris had done a version of the Matt Foley character in an improv scene. A high school football coach, and we were improvising faculty giving kids a ‘don’t do drugs’ talk.”

    Of Farley’s performance, Odenkirk shares, “God, he was hilarious. So fun to watch from the second he stepped onstage. I took the energy of that character in, and that night gave it the structure of ‘Matt Foley; The Motivational Speaker.’ I was thinking about Tony Robbins and someone like that using themselves, as Matt does, to be a negative example. It was the perfect marriage of performance and writing structure for a great sketch.”

    Odenkirk theorizes where he believes Farley may have drawn inspiration. “In real life, I am sure Chris had been on the receiving end of many ‘get up and go’ lectures. He felt like a loser and called himself that and even worse, all day long. His negative inner monologue played out in public constantly…and it was hard to witness. We all have to deal with the negative inner voice, his was super-charged by hectoring lectures he’d received all his life. In the end, that negativity aimed at himself by himself (by his experience of getting lectured and berated), made it hard for him to overcome his indulgences.”

    He offers this lovely advice. “Like everyone, I loved the guy and I felt for his struggle, so openly on display. It’s important to find positive pulls to get you to a better place, instead of negative ones that degrade your inner strength.”

    @gq

    “Is that Bill Shakespeare over there?” Watch #BobOdenkirk reply to fans online at the link in bio.

    ♬ original sound – GQ


    In a clip posted by GQ on TikTok, Odenkirk is shown that someone posted a clip from the sketch, asking, “I need to know what line Bob is most proud of in this.” Odenkirk laughs and answers, “So I wrote the motivational speaker sketch for Chris Farley when we were at Second City together.”

    He adds, “In the course of rehearsal, I got to know Chris. And one night I went home and I wrote that sketch, the way it’s done. I’ve written hundreds of sketches—a couple thousand, maybe? That’s one of the few that IS in its final form, pretty much exactly what I wrote in my apartment alone one night in Chicago. Which is cool and weird and rare.

    So my favorite line—’Is that Bill Shakespeare over there?’ The clip then flashes back to the actual SNL sketch, wherein Farley, his bright green tie hanging way too low, leans onto Phil Hartman and points, ‘I can’t see real good. Is that Bill Shakespeare over there?’ You see everyone on the couch trying desperately not to break character. We cut back to Odenkirk who laughs. “Just kills me. I mean, I’m a Midwestern guy and I’m always gonna call William Shakespeare, Bill Shakespeare.”

    He explains, “We did the sketch at Second City first and I was in the cast. And I played the dad, the part that Phil Hartman played on SNL. Chris would not leave that stage until he made every other performer laugh. Every single time he did the sketch.”

    He shares, “My daughter, when she was six, asked me, ‘what’s the most fun you ever had in show business?’ I said to her, ‘I did a sketch with a guy named Chris Farley once at Second City. And every night that I did that sketch, every single time I did it was the most fun I ever had in show business.’”

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